It has been a little over a week since we heard at 2 separate appointments that our little babies heart beats had stopped. And in the last week we have had a million emotions running through us, but mainly because it is such a in between time.
There are a few things that I realized that were not clear to people.
First off, yes I was bleeding 2 weeks ago, but that did not mean I was miscarrying. So technically I have not actually miscarried these 2 littles yet.
So that is very weird. It is very weird to be walking around with the hope that maybe just maybe our little buddies are ok and still alive. But we had another appointment on Sunday and the results were still negative. And yet it it still hard to not have hope.
Blood area in the uterus - 40.52 mm
Baby 1 - heart beat stopped first 5.82 mm (So this little buddy has already started to dissipate)
Baby 2 - Heart beat stopped second 8.69 (hasn't grown all week)
Another things that people have not understood, is that bleeding in the uterus is a normal in 20-25% of pregnancies. It does not mean there is anything wrong with me. It does not mean I am defective. It does not mean we need help. In fact, this was an awesome pregnancy in that we now know that I can get pregnant. We now know that Thomas has swimmers that can do their job, I have eggs that are viable, and my body can carry a child (or 2!). It just so happens that it is very unfortunate that I had extra bleeding in my uterus.
So here is what actually happened. When I started bleeding in my uterus, they want the blood to be touching less then 50% of the gestational sac where the babies are located. Mine was touching 50% exactly and essentially what happened is the blood cut off the blood and nutrient supply. So again, it is just an unfortunate thing. There was nothing I could or couldn't have done any different. I was on bed rest for 2 weeks and in fact the bleeding got worse.
The hard thing is when babies are that little, there is really nothing you can do other then bed rest and pray for the best. So we did. And God knew it was going to happen, and it stinks, but we get to try again! AND I CAN GET PREGNANT PEOPLE!!! That is a miracle in and of itself.
So this is a hard and awkward time. I am walking around with my littles in me that have no heart beats, but technically I have not miscarried them. So if you all could pray that I can pass these 2 little this week, that would be awesome.
I will write all about miscarriage in the next post. Because that is a whole other can of worms that I know I did not understand until I got to this point.
But in all of this,
Merry Christmas everyone!
And thank you for being there for us and praying us through every step of the way!