Monday, November 11, 2013

The Blessings from Infertility

As we continue down this path of enlarging our family, I love the place where we are at right now. I promised in a previous post I would share what I have learned over the past few months, so here you are.

Back in August a friend texted me and little did I know that it would be that text that would start the beginning of this email. She simply asked if I wanted to hang out that night. It was the first night in months that I actually had no plans, so after we made some dinner, we went off on a walk. We covered lots of ground both in our conversation and where we walked. 7.5 miles later! The real life changing aspect was 2 fold.

First off, we started the 30 Days of Real challenge, which I shared about before. This was life changing for 2 reasons. One, because it is so easy to get into your own life and forget that the people all around you are struggling with both the same things as well as things I have no idea they are struggling with! Wow. The second part brings all of that to the fore front. I realized that I am so “me” centered. Those 30 days brought to my attention so many things that I just don’t think about every day. Not very pretty stuff about myself. That was the beginning of God breaking me.

Second, during that 7.5 miles of talking, I expressed the desire to start doing a bible study. This sounds simple, but this is something I had the desiring to do for a year and a half. I had been praying about who to study with and well God had the perfect person in mind. It took us a few weeks to actually start the study, but wow. Between 30 Days of Real and then 10 weeks of diving into the book of Esther, God did a work on my heart.

It has been about 10 years since I did an in depth study into God’s Word and walked away with this crazy desire to be in His Word every day. Reading the bible every day has always been something I struggled with. I don’t know why since I love to read. I read dozens and dozens of books every year. Why is it so hard? Oh well, I am on the up and up now! We just finished Esther last week and we are going to start a new study next week. BUT…. I have been in the word every day since Nov 1st. My new 365 photo gifts challenge that I just started includes photography, thankfuls, and wait for it….. being in the Word every day for a year. So far, so good. Although it has only been 11 days, you have to start somewhere, right? How many days makes something a habit?

So…. Let’s bring this back to what this post is all about. Why I am thankful for our time of infertility. There are actually more reasons than I can count, but I will share a few. This has given me a time to get back in the Word and truly spend time with God. I may not be a parent yet, but I do know that quiet times will not be the same once we bring a wee one into the world. He is tugging at my heart to spend time and I am thankful to have those quiet moments with Him. He is also changing my heart to be more like His. I have been taking time to change those 30 real things that are unpleasent. That is why He made us right? To reflect His glory so that is what other people see and wonder. I know this will drastically change how I parent. So thankful for that. And finally, I love this time because it has allowed for Thomas and I to grow together in ways we never would have simply because of the questions we have had to dig down deep to answer. I love it. I love every second that it is just the two of us. Me and God. And me and Thomas. 

But I also keep praying for the day that we get to announce our 1+1=3.

There is a little of my attitude of gratitude today. 

Nothing like a beautiful double rainbow outside my window to remind me of God's promises.