Over the years I have heard the phrase, “Nothing can quite
prepare you for marriage or parenting.” Although I have found that to be true
in marriage and I definitely have no doubt that it will also be true in
parenting, my favorite thing about those details of my life tend to be the years
prior to those times. The simple anticipation. The planning. The lessons
learned. The growing. And ultimately, how different it looks from how I originally
thought.
Marriage to me was not so much about the reality of every
day, as much as it was about having someone who truly believed in me and
supported me through everything. That is what I was looking for. It took a few
boyfriends and many years of being independent for the ultimate lesson about giving
the desire to be married to God. Now I truly believe that God creates each of
us with desires in life. And being married was a very large desire of mine. So
I vividly remember the time where I was able to say, ok God. I can do this life
with You and You alone if that is where you want me. Clearly not.
Well, that is where I am at again with parenting. We are
still just a family of two, but the past 2 years since October 2011, have been
an incredible journey. As I look back, I see how much I have changed. When we
first started, I had our lives planned out to the T. I had a few different
variations of the plan, but nothing that said 2 years from now and we still wouldn’t
be pregnant, but I would be at complete peace with it. Oh sweet peace.
The first year was simple anticipation and disappointment.
And this last year has been getting to the bottom of why our bodies were not
doing what seemed so natural for so many others. We finally figured out what
was going on, and that we couldn’t have kids naturally without a surgery. So we
had that surgery, but something about the whole experience changed. There was
no pressure. And then, my heart changed.
I still desire with everything in me to have a family larger
than 2. And just like in marriage I believe that God put this on my heart
clearly. Neither, Thomas or I feel as though adoption is where God has us at
the moment. So in all of this, even with the hope that our bodies are now able
to do this whole getting pregnant thing naturally, I have complete peace. I
know it will happen in God’s perfect timing. Even if that happens a year from
now. I do go through moments where I ask, “When God?” But 99% of the time, I
love this life Thomas and I have been given. And I love what God has been
teaching me. More on that later. Not to say I don’t completely anticipate a
growing family, it is just with a peace and a knowledge that we can do this
whenever He has it in His perfect plan. And honestly? I am excited to see what
else He has for us before we get prego, because the last 2 months have been so
sweet with learning a little bit more about the how to be like my sweet Jesus.
My previous post on our timeline of trying to get prego is HERE.
UPDATE:
Jul 2013 – Surgery went well. Everything should be normal
now. Hormone levels tested – everything looks good.
Aug 2013 – Final Hormone levels tested and progesterone
levels are low. That story HERE
Sep 2013 – Chemical Pregnancy #3. HOPE! The surgery seems to
have been successful. Yay! Just waiting a few more months for complete healing.
Next up - Whatever God has, when ever that may be. (Hold me
to that for the moments I forget!)
Meanwhile, I absolutely love holding, talking about, and
finding out about my friends pregnancies and kiddos. Please don’t ever hold
back anything for me. Your kids and pregnancies are a balm for my empty arms! I
get to love them more because of where I am at! And please ask me more about
our story if you have been hesitant. It does not bother me to talk about it. If
you don’t know… I like to talk.
And here is a little something to make you smile.
Thanks for tagging along in this crazy adventure Thomas and
I call life. You are all precious to us. You and your encouragement make life
that much better.
